"I'm praying to the ceiling"
I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I was lying in bed praying for about two hours, hoping, that God would somehow hear me. As I looked up to the ceiling, there it was, silence, yes, not a sound. Some things just don't change, in my desperation I pray to God, but, there's nothing, no reply, no sound, absolutely nothing.
So, where are you God when I need you most. Are you on a heavenly vacation, at the other end of the universe sorting out some more planets or stars that we don't really need? Maybe you're just like some friends that we write to, they just can't be bothered responding. Is this the way you feel sometimes God? Do you just get to the point where you are just not interested in our needs anymore?
If you are up there God, then you know exactly how I feel, or do you? Sure, Jesus came to earth as a human, or at least born as a human. They say that Jesus understands what we're going through, but does he? Did Jesus ever experience having no money, did he ever have to feed his children, and did he ever have to pay rent, buy groceries or pay bills?
The bible always tells me to have faith, how can I do this when I'm in dire straits and have no answer to my problems? How can I continue to have faith, when I pray every day for months, years and receive no answer? Oh I know, of course, why I didn't think of this. There's something wrong with my life, there's something that I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing, right. Or, maybe I just don't have the correct formula for reaching you.
If by any chance you're reading this blog God, let me tell you what I did this morning. You're not going to believe it, yes Lord, even you won't believe it. I prayed to the ceiling, yes that's right, I prayed to the ceiling. Do you know what response I got, nothing, the ceiling didn't hear my prayer either. In fact, neither did the walls. Not really much different than when I pray to you Lord, I just get no answer.
So, why do I pray? I remember reading this scripture that tells us not to make or worship idols.
Psalm 115:4-8 ESV
"Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes, but do not see. They have ears, but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. They have hands, but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them."
This scripture tells us that idols can't speak, so why worship them. Yet, I call out to you God and you don't speak, you don't make a sound either. You know that I call on you all the time but receive no answer, why?
Your word also tells us: New Living Translation
"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
Yet right now, I feel so spiritually inadequate, depressed, frustrated, emotionally distraught, physically tired and mentally drained.
I have always just asked you one question, where are you in my time of need? Why so silent?
I know that you are the potter and I am the clay. I always like to add to that, and I personally have no say. I know that you can just make me drop dead any time you want, roll me up into a little ball, take me out into the universe and through me into some big black hole, just toss me into oblivion and never be heard of again, it will be as though I didn't exist. I know that you could do this after reading my blog.
I'm sure there are many people like me today God, who are frustrated, crying out and seeking your help. So here we go Lord, for all the people out there who need help, this is my petition on behalf of them, so please, do something to help them, do something to help me.
Why are we always crying out to a silent God? Why do we have to beg like dogs? Why do we have to whine to get your attention? Why, why, why, are you so silent?
This next thing I'm going to say God I've said to you before. If my children were to ask me for something and I just ignored them, like I didn't even acknowledge their request, I walked away and ignored them as if they had never spoken to me. Then they continued and were persistent and kept asking me to answer them, but I just keep walking about silent, always ignoring them. Then they get down on their knees and cried out and said, "Dad, please help me, please answer me." But, I just keep ignoring them. People would think I was absolutely rude, not even acknowledging that they were even there.
This is the way I feel with you God, I feel that you ignore me and don't even acknowledge that I'm here. Yet, I'm persistent, I pray for hours, I write songs about you, but it seems you are so hard to please. I help others in need all the time, I put others before me, and whenever I see a need, I help.
What you are doing to me God, I could never do to my children or ever treat them this way, whenever they ask me something I give them an answer, whenever they speak I respond, when they need help I help them, when they're hurting I console them.
Most Christians will say, but God does speak, he speaks through his word. Like most other believers, I now have to try and interpret what the bible is saying, or if this scripture is actually speaking to me.
Why so silent God? Sorry, wrong question, as I know you're not going to answer.
Written by Chris Turner
March 10, 2016
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