Sunday, February 19, 2017



My mum says goodbye as I'm heading out the door to school
As I'm walking up the hill I know I'm feeling just like a fool
But as I leave the house she doesn't know just how much I hurt
'Cause deep inside my mind I'm so confused everything's a blur

I do the usual routine, climb the wall and hide behind the church
Have a smoke; start to think, of the pain and how much I hurt
Of the times that I'm bullied at my home and then at my school
The way I was treated at thirteen, I just knew it was cruel

When I went off to school someone usually punched me in the face
It was then I decided on that day I didn't need this place
I would leave, took a walk, then I wandered started to roam
Then I knew had to go and face my dad when I finally got home

It was no different in my home I was bullied and slapped across the face
Wasn't sure what life's about did I want to be part of the human race
Many times in my room I would cry as I was all alone
Wondering, what life was all about and what was going on

I eventually got caught the school had found that I was playing truant
I knew at the time right away that my life was ruined
I had an interview with my parents and the principal I had to go back to school
I was told it was wrong and that I had broken all the rules

I remember this one day I was so excited it was time for music class
I had a great time singing songs enjoyed so much as long as it could last
As I went down the stairs, I started singing "Yellow Submarine"
A Beatles favourite, he was waiting for me the teacher wasn't so keen

He said, hold out your hand boy don't you know, that you are showing disrespect
Disorderly conduct won't be tolerated I'm afraid, you're gonna have to pay
I said this isn't fair, I only sang and I think that this is a load of crap
He said, hold out your hands' boy, cross them over, as I'm going to give you the strap

I could feel the pain stinging on my fingers as the pain ran through my hands
As I grit my teeth so tight, I said a few curse words and then I said damn
At the time right then, I knew, I felt, like a piece of shit
The moment that belt came down and stung, as he began to hit

Deep down within, inside my mind were the hurt and the fear
When I walked home alone, couldn't hold it back, I burst into tears
Bullied at home, then at school, I was upset didn't know what to do
As I'm heading now for home, my life is feeling a little bit more confused

That was fifty years ago, hard to believe it's still fresh in my mind
Of the people I grew up with, memories, of those who were not kind
All the anguish that I felt, offered me, no respect or gain
As I write this today it's not erased, I still feel the pain

They say that time if you let it, it will always, take the pain away
But the tears come to my eyes as I think and dwell on those days
As I now go home and feel the wrath and the hand from my boxing dad
The punishment with a leash on my bare bum because I was bad

At thirteen years of age, I didn't know of certain things and how I felt
My first orgasm by a man, who touched me there, a feeling I had never felt
But I couldn't tell anyone a pedophile had put his hand on me
I was feeling quite ashamed and I know that you may disagree

As a child, by another man, he had his way, as I was abused
I was scared to tell someone for fear, I was so confused
Other men took hold of me and they also did the very same
Now I hide all these secrets in my mind and feel guilty of this shame

I tried so hard at my home to be good, but I was just a kid
I would disobey my teacher and my dad of things they did forbid
I was used and abused, always given that extra shove
I only wish someone had cared all I wanted, was to be hugged

As I grew up, had some friends, I got drunk and cursed like everyone
It was rough, but I got tough, had some fights until I knew I won
All the anger that I felt one day exploded that was churning deep inside
I rebelled, joined a gang I'll pay you back, I knew I couldn't hide

Tried so hard to be big and be tough, but I was only small
Getting drunk, smoking cigs, no more pushed around now I had it all
Feeling crap I'll take no more I made a statement, I've just had enough
Why couldn't someone put their arms around me, all I wanted, was to be loved?

Written by Chris Turner
February 9, 2017

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