"Dementia stole my friend."
It was a beautiful spring day as I walked into the nursing
home. I knew a special lady there and I always enjoyed visiting with her. I
would visit with her for about an hour at a time. She would never speak but
would just stare at me. It wasn't always like that, but many years have passed now
since she has spoken.
My friend had developed Dementia quite a few years ago; though,
she did have a family of her own. Then one day, she started forgetting things,
repeating herself and quite often, would wander out late at night, not knowing
where she was or who she was.
Her family would receive phone calls telling them, that they
had just found their mom wandering the
streets in the early hours of the morning.
The family got together and had to admit, mom has Dementia. They went through the usual
tests just to confirm that their suspicions were valid. When their mom went for tests, of course, she denied that
there was anything wrong with her memory.
A beautiful lady, who loved God and people so much, the
doctor suggested that only one grandchild should visit her at a time. The
excitement and stress would be too much for her.
There was a time though
when one of her granddaughters was visiting with her parents. Her granddaughter
picked up a pen from her cabinet and her grandma ran over and slapped her on
the hand.
Of course, immediately, the granddaughter started crying. The
parents were so upset, that the grandma had struck out at their daughter. Since
that event, the granddaughter never ever wanted to visit her grandma again, that
is, for fear of being slapped. It was sad, but the real life of living or visiting with someone who has Dementia. The
doctor had told the family, that she had a form of violent Dementia. I guess
some people with Dementia can quickly become very angry.
I had known this lady very well over the years; I knew very
well, that this wasn't her true nature. She was a very kind and compassionate
person to everyone that she would meet, especially her grandchildren. it's just
how the Dementia had affected her mind.
As I visited with her over the years, her conversation
became less and less, until eventually, she didn't speak anymore. As I looked
at her, I reminisced about the times when
we would look out the window at the rain pouring down, and how we would see the
rainbow form in the sky.
Even though everyone had thought that her mind was gone. She
would talk about the times when her family was young, the times when she would
see them off to school. When they came home, how she would make muffins and
give them a glass of milk.
She told about how the children would go out and play until
the sun went down. They would come in and have a hot chocolate with their cookie before
she would tuck them into bed. It was nice to listen to all the old memories
that she had, all churning around in the back of her mind.
She told me about all the knitting that she did scarves,
sweaters, hats, and mittens. She would
crochet blankets and various other items. Then she chuckled at all the homemade
cookies they would eat, she told me, that at one point, she thought about
buying a cow, her kids drank so much milk.
As she sat there in her room staring at me, I thought of all
those things she had told me, about all the times that she had reminisced. Now
it was a cold silence in the room. No laughter, no smiles, no talking, just
quiet.
I am so glad I listened to her when she spoke, I am glad I
recorded all her words in my mind. During those last days and her silence, I looked
at her with great pity, I was able to reflect on all the things she had expressed
about the times gone by.
I remember one day when it was snowing, she told me about
the snowball fights they had in the yard. The snowmen they had made over the
years, the carrots, the buttons and hats and scarves to keep the snowmen warm,
how funny that was, it was a warm story even though it was about winter.
Then she reflected on Christmas, carol singing, the Santa
thing and the entire gift opening at 5:a.m. on Christmas morning. She said,
"I can't get them up on school days to go to school, but on Christmas
morning they're all up at 5:a.m". She tried so hard to laugh, as tears
rolled down her face. I knew she was wishing for those days now.
Very often she spoke about her kids, how things had changed.
How they had all got married and had kids of their own. She felt like she was
put into a nursing home because of the inconvenience of having her around their
homes. The last thing she wanted was to be a burden on her family.
"You know, I remember brushing my daughter's hair when
she was a little girl", she said. "I would give them all baths and
tuck them into bed. Then we would all say our prayers and I would give them all
a goodnight kiss. But, those days are all gone now and I'm left alone, I don't
see them very often, they all have their own lives to live".
I'm sure her family visited her more often than she could
remember, but to her, it wasn't enough. I could only feel sorry for her. I know
that each time I visited, I never did see any family members around, maybe she
was right.
I remember her very last words to me, that is before she had stopped speaking for good.
This is what she told me, she said, "when people pass me by, they see me
staring at the wall, they think I'm insane and have lost my mind. Yet, as I'm staring,
I'm not staring at the walls. I'm sitting thinking of the past, reminiscing about how life used to be before my mind
started to fail me. Of the times I had with my brothers and sisters, of the
lovely times I had with my husband before he passed away. The times I had with
my own children. The celebrations, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, times
with friends, those are the things that are going through my mind".
She went on to say, "one day soon though, my family
will get the call, your mom has passed
away. I will finally be gone to my home on high; at last, I will not be alone".
As she sat there in silence I thought of the last words she
had spoken. I couldn't help but think of the times she cuddled her children,
the muffins, the celebration dinners and all those times that she had cherished
in her heart.
As she stared at me in silence with her beautiful brown eyes
and golden colored her. I got up and put
my arms around her and said, "I love you, I'll see you tomorrow". As
I stepped back from hugging her, I noticed a tear that came flowing down her
cheek as an expression of saying, "I love you too".
Written by Chris Turner
October 12th, 2016.
