"I'm praying to the ceiling"

"I'm praying to the ceiling"

I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I was lying in bed praying for about two hours, hoping, that God would somehow hear me. As I looked up to the ceiling, there it was, silence, yes, not a sound. Some things just don't change, in my desperation I pray to God, but, there's nothing, no reply, no sound, absolutely nothing.

So, where are you God when I need you most. Are you on a heavenly vacation, at the other end of the universe sorting out some more planets or stars that we don't really need? Maybe you're just like some friends that we write to, they just can't be bothered responding. Is this the way you feel sometimes God? Do you just get to the point where you are just not interested in our needs anymore?

If you are up there God, then you know exactly how I feel, or do you? Sure, Jesus came to earth as a human, or at least born as a human. They say that Jesus understands what we're going through, but does he? Did Jesus ever experience having no money, did he ever have to feed his children, and did he ever have to pay rent, buy groceries or pay bills?

The bible always tells me to have faith, how can I do this when I'm in dire straits and have no answer to my problems? How can I continue to have faith, when I pray every day for months, years and receive no answer? Oh I know, of course, why I didn't think of this. There's something wrong with my life, there's something that I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing, right. Or, maybe I just don't have the correct formula for reaching you.

If by any chance you're reading this blog God, let me tell you what I did this morning. You're not going to believe it, yes Lord, even you won't believe it. I prayed to the ceiling, yes that's right, I prayed to the ceiling. Do you know what response I got, nothing, the ceiling didn't hear my prayer either. In fact, neither did the walls. Not really much different than when I pray to you Lord, I just get no answer.

So, why do I pray? I remember reading this scripture that tells us not to make or worship idols.

 Psalm 115:4-8 ESV

"Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes, but do not see. They have ears, but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. They have hands, but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them."

This scripture tells us that idols can't speak, so why worship them. Yet, I call out to you God and you don't speak, you don't make a sound either. You know that I call on you all the time but receive no answer, why?

Your word also tells us:  New Living Translation

Isaiah 40:31

"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

Yet right now, I feel so spiritually inadequate, depressed, frustrated, emotionally distraught, physically tired and mentally drained. 

I have always just asked you one question, where are you in my time of need? Why so silent?

I know that you are the potter and I am the clay. I always like to add to that, and I personally have no say. I know that you can just make me drop dead any time you want, roll me up into a little ball, take me out into the universe and through me into some big black hole, just toss me into oblivion and never be heard of again, it will be as though I didn't exist. I know that you could do this after reading my blog.

I'm sure there are many people like me today God, who are frustrated, crying out and seeking your help. So here we go Lord, for all the people out there who need help, this is my petition on behalf of them, so please, do something to help them, do something to help me. 

Why are we always crying out to a silent God? Why do we have to beg like dogs? Why do we have to whine to get your attention?  Why, why, why, are you so silent?

This next thing I'm going to say God I've said to you before. If my children were to ask me for something and I just ignored them, like I didn't even acknowledge their request, I walked away and ignored them as if they had never spoken to me. Then they continued and were persistent and kept asking me to answer them, but I just keep walking about silent, always ignoring them. Then they get down on their knees and cried out and said, "Dad, please help me, please answer me." But, I just keep ignoring them. People would think I was absolutely rude, not even acknowledging that they were even there. 

This is the way I feel with you God, I feel that you ignore me and don't even acknowledge that I'm here. Yet, I'm persistent, I pray for hours, I write songs about you, but it seems you are so hard to please. I help others in need all the time, I put others before me, and whenever I see a need, I help.

What you are doing to me God, I could never do to my children or ever treat them this way, whenever they ask me something I give them an answer, whenever they speak I respond, when they need help I help them, when they're hurting I console them.

Most Christians will say, but God does speak, he speaks through his word. Like most other believers, I now have to try and interpret what the bible is saying, or if this scripture is actually speaking to me.

Why so silent God? Sorry, wrong question, as I know you're not going to answer.

Written by Chris Turner

March 10, 2016

I would appreciate your comments below.

Ouch! He Threw the Hammer

Ouch! He Threw the Hammer

 (I am 7 yrs old in this picture)

I was now two years old and always playing in the backyard, one day while  playing in the backyard, I kept taunting my older brother George saying: “na na, na na na", sticking out my tongue and making fun of him, my brother George didn’t like to be teased. 

George was the toughest of all the brothers, he always liked to fight, but I didn’t like to. I wouldn’t listen to what George was saying, I kept teasing and yelling at him, my brother George said, "you had better shut up or else", it didn’t make no difference to me.

“Na na, na na na”, all of a sudden George had a hammer in his hand that he found lying in the yard, he said to me, “if you don’t shut up, I’ll throw this hammer at you” of course, I didn’t believe he would throw the hammer, you know, all talk and no action, I still kept teasing him, then all of a sudden, he threw the hammer at me and it crashed against my leg, ouch!

 I started to scream and my mum came rushing out of the house to see what had happened, George explained, that I was calling him names and he threw the hammer at me, according to my mum, this wasn’t a justified excuse. My mum was furious with George, my mum immediately called an ambulance and I was taken to the Luton Dunstable hospital where I had to have my leg plastered, the hammer had broken my leg.

Written by Chris Turner

(Taken from my autobiography: "Life is...but a memory") 

My autobiography is available as an e-book at the following link.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63102

 I would appreciate your comments below.

I’m a Cabbage, David’s a Rocket

I’m a Cabbage, David’s a Rocket 

I remember one day in my living room, again, I can see myself standing in the living room, I looked out towards the kitchen and I could see my mum working around preparing a meal, a thought came to me, I wonder how I got here, how did I happen to be living, I kept asking myself this question, did I just appear? Did my parents buy me from some place? I was honestly questioning how I came to be living, I thought, I’ll just go and ask mum, she’ll know.

I went out to the kitchen and said, “Mom! Where did I come from?” she said, “what do you mean?” I said, “well, how did I get to live in this house, how did I arrive here, where did I come from?” my mum was preparing vegetables at the time and she said, “one day I was cooking vegetables, and while I was cutting the cabbage open, I saw this little boy inside, I said, oh look! It’s Christopher”.

I thought, hmm, I believed my mum, as there was no other explanation. So I went back into the living room thinking, I then thought about my younger brother David, I thought, I’ll ask her where David came from, my mum must have been thinking pretty quick to make up all these stories, she said, “well, it was "Guy Fawkes Night" (November 5th) the night before and everyone was setting off fireworks, we were firing rockets that night and when we fired this one rocket, it exploded, and as it was falling back down from the sky, David was inside the rocket, and we said, oh look! David’s here, so son, that’s how your brother David is here.

I went into the living room again thinking, hmm, this is unfair, what a bummer, David’s a rocket and I’m just a cabbage, I didn’t like that, I would rather have been a rocket than just an old vegetable.

I was thinking about Ian and George, then I thought, I don’t want to know, I didn’t want to find out what they were, I thought, they might have been something better than a vegetable, so I didn’t ask.

I’m sure my mum was glad I went away to do something else. Not sure why my mum would want to tell me such a yarn, I guess in those days, they were embarrassed to talk to their kids about the facts of life and how we were really born.

Written by Chris Turner

(Taken from my autobiography: "Life is...but a memory") 

My autobiography is available as an e-book at the following link.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63102


 I would appreciate your comments below.

“I just want to be loved”

“I just want to be loved”

In this world we live in there’s a lonely face out there

Just looking for someone to love them to show them that we care

There was a time when I was a child born just like all of you

I had a brother and sister a mum and dad they helped me as I grew

One day my mum and dad were involved in an accident in which they died

My brother and sister looked at me and we all sat and cried

We were ever so young and split apart to different families we did go

Not knowing if we would see each other again we were scattered to and fro’

When I grew up I didn’t like the foster home where I had grown

I decided one day that I should leave and go out on my own

As I left home I used to think of my mum and dad that I miss

The way they would cuddle and tuck me into bed and give me a goodnight kiss

Loneliness can get you down and fill your heart with fear

Never ever knowing which way to turn it makes you shed a tear

As things got worse finances were low different friends did I meet

Not the kind that I had before but the ones down on the street

As I would talk to them alone I found out that they had

A similar break up with their families which I found very sad

My friends are gone I’m left alone what now shall I do

I feel that I have been abandoned with no one to talk to

I’ve tried so hard to make this life the best that I know how

But every time I turn a corner I feel so much let down

I’m a wanderer a transient wearing out my feet

Walking the streets nowhere to stay struggling to make ends meet

I wonder if there’s someone when they’ve never ever seen

Maybe it’s hard for them to understand to know how my life has been

I really want to be like you I don’t always want to roam

 I would like to have a wife and family and have a nice warm home

You may not think that’s possible when you look at me this way

But I can be educated and taught and be like you some day 

Please don’t look down when you walk by I won’t do you any harm

Try and see me like you if my family were here and love me for who I am

I may not be smart or as clever as you I may not be very wise

But when you see me on the street don’t turn away I could be an angel in disguise

I don’t have much but I’ve got Jesus in my heart so I just keep looking above

Hoping and praying that maybe someday I’ll have somebody to love

So please when you pass just say hello and I’ll say hello too

I just want to be loved in this lonely world I just want to be like you

Written by Chris Turner

1991

 I would appreciate your comments below.

Jesus Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca6D1fU2EZk

Smoke on the water (with Christian lyrics)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAPtynbAzhg&ebc=ANyPxKq5SBE1sjJmZRiqJFjHodvITULI0i-vxr0RU5Zcu3h06zdhKLZu6ipkfKlZ2nLl6Ebuf5StDWs1fcc8Z2jhbOiI0_GTIw