The modernist resume

This is an open resume/C.V./ application to potential employers who would like to hire me.

If you’re looking for proper protocol or resume etiquette, maybe you should stop reading now.

Some of you may be thinking as you read through this resume, “Is this guy kidding or what”.

Yes, there are employers out there looking for someone willing to step outside of what we call “the norm”.

I enjoy being different, even in my writing style. I always tell the truth as to how I see things; this is not always welcomed by many.

I have always said, why do things always have to be snobbish, proper, and correct. After all, I wasn’t raised in Buckingham Palace.

I tell it the way I see it. I wrote one song that some don’t like the lyrics called “I live a life of hell until Saturday night” Not popular with church-going people.

I woke up this morning thinking, hmmm, this resume, job seeking thing doesn’t seem to be working.
In the past six months, I’ve applied for over eighty jobs and counting. I thought to myself when people look at my resume and see my age, that’s it, I’m finished. It just wasn’t working.

Then I decided, I’ll write a written resume, not in any kind of normal resume format, just a letter type thing.

Seeing as the conventional way of writing a resume wasn’t working, I said, “what the heck, I’ll try something different.”

It couldn’t be any worse than what’s happening now, however, maybe it just might make some people laugh (i.e. if you have a sense of humor), or maybe I could start a trend.

What a nice way to be remembered, internet users thirty years from now will “Yahoogle” Chris Turner’s modern resume, first created in 2018.

Besides, writing is what I do, it’s what I love, it’s my passion (other than tennis), it’s my desire, it’s my lifelong dream (on the beach or somewhere warm like the Bahamas), I eat, breathe, sleep, and (not to be too descriptive) everything else…..writing.

Look, whenever I would send in my resume to various jobs, a few weeks later I would receive a letter telling me that I’m just way too old, well no, not exactly, though, more or less.

They would respond.” On behalf, of…………we would like to thank you for your application for the above-noted position. Upon review of all applicants, another candidate has been selected.
We would like to thank you for your interest in this position and encourage you to continue to apply for other career opportunities.”

 Where did I start in life?

It all started while I was being raised and living in Scotland. During my years in Scotland, I worked at various jobs including management.

I did actually go to school and finished high school. My teachers were very happy for me, that is, happy that I was leaving.

However, I do have a command of the Queen’s English, though some of the Sassenach’s down south don’t think that we speak English at all. They think we all speak Scottish gobblygook. There again, it has always been difficult to teach the English how to speak proper English, I guess that’s their downfall in life. Lol

While at school, my favorite subjects were Math, English, Woodwork, and Metalwork (some of the items I still have today). I enjoyed Art, History, and P.E. I hated Algebra with a passion. All that X, Y, Z to the power of something, I just had no use for it
.
Like most kids, I loved the summer holidays, nine weeks of bliss, yeah, no school. I miss those days.
Being very sports-minded, I played football (soccer), tennis, a little bit of rugby, and cricket.

Seeing as I grew up next to the ocean, I was always around boats and in the water.

Oh yeah, jobs

Well, I’ve been working since I came out of diapers, or were they called nappies. Anyway, my mum had a Bed & Breakfast home and I used to help her around the house. Cleaning, learning to cook, it really helped me when I was older.

I then thought I was rich when I got my first newspaper route at eleven years of age. I was also friendly with an older Italian guy who offered me a job a year later working in the back of his fish & chip shop. This was a fantastic job; I remember this job to detail even though I was so young at the time.

I forgot to mention, I have a photographic memory. Whenever I talk about times in the past, I can see myself exactly in that position or situation as though it was just happening.

I actually worked there on weekends until I left school, after that job, I always wanted to buy my own fish & chip shop, and I loved it so much. I’m still dreaming. This is actually my signature tune for my cell phone “Dreamer” by Supertramp.

Whenever I started working at a full-time job, my Italian friend also offered me a part-time job working in his shop selling the fish & chips in the evenings and at weekends. Now I loved it even more.

Then my downfall came, I started liking girls. Nevertheless, I still worked part-time.

Then I passed my driving test, got a car and I loved being around girls, however, I loved making money too.

Let’s just say, I had vast working experience while living in Scotland. To name a few, lock-smithing, painting, a milk dairy, hospital (shipping & receiving and driving), Lab. Technician for National , T.V. Rental companies (Lloyds Surevision –Assistant Manager, Visionhire-Assistant Manager, D.E.R. Sales Rep,).

Then I worked at the Royal Ordinance Factory making bomb inserts, you heard right, bomb inserts.
  The Royal Ordinance Factory is where they made all the bombs. I made the shells before it was moved to the Cordite dept. where they inserted the explosive. It was an interesting smelly job.

Moving to Canada

I immigrated to Canada in 1979 and lived in Ottawa for three years.

Upon arriving, I worked for a cabinet making company for a short while. Then I decided to try starting a painting business as I had painting experience while living in Scotland.

I managed to secure a few painting contracts and eventually hired three people to help me.

Things were going great until 1981 when the economy took a downturn. I heard that things were going well in Alberta, therefore, I moved west eventually settling in Edmonton.

I have been living in Edmonton since that time.

When I arrived in Edmonton I worked for a local painting company for a year just to get the feel of the area. I then stepped out and started my own painting business.

In 1987 I went through a divorce and operations of my painting business at the advice of my lawyer.
Unsure what to do, I had a friend who worked at Canada Post. At my friend's suggestion, I applied to work at Canada Post. After working a few different jobs within the Corporation, I moved into management where I worked as a supervisor for three years.

In 2000, I resigned and started up my own painting business once again.

As you will notice, painting has always been my “going back to business”, when other things didn’t click I had painting to fall back on. I have thirty-nine years’ painting experience in Canada not including the work I did in Scotland. Although, I honestly don’t want to do this type of work anymore.

In 1993 prior to Home Depot establishing themselves in Edmonton. I was asked if I could help train the new sales associates for the Aikenheads Company which was a Canadian hardware company from Ontario. Aikenheads was the original hardware store before Home Depot. only lasted three months before Home Depot acquired the business.

Home Depot wanted a foothold in the Canadian market and this was a good opportunity.

I had the privilege of working for Home Depot for a further nine months. I was asked to stay on and transfer to a newer store with a promotion, however, at the time; I didn’t want to do this, as I was extremely busy with my other work.

I enjoyed working with retail and also helping customers use the products properly, as I had many years’ experience. I also enjoyed training the associates too within the paint department.

Extracurricular activities

Since moving to Canada, I had always been involved with making wood crafts. This was a skill that I had learned and enjoyed while in high school.

While living in Ottawa, I had been asked by some clients to take on various wood projects around apartment complexes mostly, making and installing garbage bins etc. As well as my painting projects, it proved to be very rewarding.

When I arrived in Edmonton, I continued making wood crafts as well as any other job at the time. However, I ventured into smaller household type crafts like key holders, wall racks, coat racks, and personalized names etc.

I still work at this today, please view my wood crafts site http://chriscraftwood.blogspot.ca/p/key-holders.html

Since leaving school, the writing was my forte; I’ve always enjoyed writing poems and real-life stories. I now have just over two hundred poems on file and hoping to write an anthology of poems one day.

In 2013 I completed my first short novel called “I just want to be loved” and I also completed my autobiography called “Life is…but a memory”. Both books are available on Amazon as e-books and my novel is available as a soft cover. Both books are also available on “Smashwords”.

https://amzn.to/2qMMRyq

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/63102

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/607598

In the near future, I will be writing a non-fiction based on my autobiography.

I will also be writing a science fiction called “Invasion of the ”. This story is about the resurgence of organisms in Nevada with regards to the underground nuclear testing that used to take place in that region. The radiation re-activated the organisms and they come back to life to take over the world.
The have two hierarchies though who are fighting each other for power, while at the same time, trying to take over the world. There is one other power though, that neither of them has anticipated.
I am also contemplating writing a novel of the violence between Catholics and Protestants where I was raised in Scotland. I have written a lengthy article on this topic on my blog.

Music and songwriting

Since 1991, as well as writing poetry, I enjoyed writing songs. The genre of my songs varies from country to folk and a little rock.

As a lyricist, I just love writing songs. I’m hoping so much to do this full time. Just looking for that lucky break with a production company or with some other writers with whom I could collaborate.

Over the years, I have written over two hundred songs; with some, I have added guitar chords and some melodies.

I have made approximately six YouTube videos of my songs.

Other links available on my blog. http://writingjust4u.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_26.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGvM1CnaeFM

I have only been playing guitar for four years (self-taught) and really not of musician caliber. I’m progressing through each day.

Additional business activities

Due to a lack of work in my painting business and unable to find work to make an income. I ventured into to other website activities. I started a blog on cooking, seeing as I thoroughly enjoy cooking and coming up with new ideas. My cooking blog is called “Healthy and Scrumptious Cooking”.

http://healthyandscrumptiouscooking.blogspot.ca/p/about-me.html

My first blog, which is writing, of course, is to coincide with my writing activities called Chris Turner’s Memoirs which is mostly that, memoirs and various short articles.

http://chriscampbellturner.blogspot.ca/

My other writing blog is called “Writingjust4u”. This blog involves more of my songs, poetry, articles, and copywriting projects. http://writingjust4u.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_44.html

I am pursuing to write in the field of, articles, copywriting, songwriting, and poetry. Blog/website writing, content writing, e-mails, and newsletters.

Writing songs to me is very easy, all I need is a topic or storyline and I can write a song.

I’m quite familiar with Adobe Photoshop and able to crop and insert text on to pictures for display on social networks.

My social network interest is varied including but not limited to Google+, Linkedin, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

I can create blogs using the “Blogger” format; I have only used Wordpress a few times. I have also built websites using the WebEasy8 web program, which is drag and drop. I know some HTML, however, not proficient by any means. I basically know the concept of HTML and how it works. I am able to change some code manually, however, not too much.

My experience also includes working with Microsoft Word.

I am also knowledgeable with inserting buttons from PayPal using their HTML coding system, which I currently use for my woodcraft site.

Recreation and dreams

During the summer I play approximately ten hours of tennis. Some with a club and other times with the tennis meet-up group. My friends and I usually play outdoors earlier than most people as I have my own net. The city is normally pretty slow in erecting the tennis nets, so I bought my own and use a winch to crank it tight. Therefore, we get to play about two weeks earlier.

When I’m playing tennis and the sun is beating on me, I imagine that I’m in California or Florida.
If you had to endure the Edmonton six month winter you would understand how I feel.

My dream is to sit on a beach in California or Florida, with guitar in hand, writing songs and listening to the waves splash on the shore, sipping a Pina Colada, I’m not even sure what that is, I just love the song. Then I wake up.

The conclusion of my resume

So there it is folks, not sure if this resume format will ever take off. Personally, I think it’s less stuffy than the conventional resume where everything is nicely laid and dated. Properly spaced and words used to captivate the potential employer.

What you have just read is who I am, a writer looking for an opportunity, yes, to make a salary (not minimum wage) something respectable, though not only that but to be able to do something that I love……writing.

If you want to know more about me, please check out my article "Stupid questions they ask at an interview"   http://chriscampbellturner.blogspot.ca/2018/04/stupid-questions.html

If you think you could use my experience and life skills that I’ve gathered over the years, why don’t you contact me and we’ll have a chat.

I hope you all have a wonderful sunny day wherever you are.

Until we meet.

Chris Turner (Edmonton. Alberta. Canada.)

E-mail:  Chrispaints4u@gmail.com